It has been a long time since I have put any of my thoughts or experiences into writing and there is so much to say... As many of us have experienced, the last couple of years just seem to vanished, I still feel like it is 2020. I think this hit me recently when I realized that this will be the start of the 3rd year of the bakery and nonprofit. I have done so much and feel like I have done so little in the last couple of years. Where did the time go?

The last couple years almost seemed to stop time and I think  many of us discovered or started to investigate who we are and looked deeper into what we are and what we  have done or not done with our lives. We have decided to make changes some small and some HUGE. We have changed homes, cities, jobs,even down to what we eat and how we shop. We have lived with and overcome fear, sadness, confusion, and we may even be struggling a little still with all of what the last two years have brought us. We have set healthy boundaries, raised our vibrations, gained and lost friends and family because of these changes. We are shifting, we are raising our mental and self-awareness, we are revisiting the want vs the need and we have growing pains because of it.

The feelings with growing and shifting can feel like the following:  feeling like you do not "fit" in anymore or what you have created is not working anymore, it leaves a feeling of "what the hell am I doing",  you may feel a little lost or confused and maybe even a little depressed. You may feel a lack of motivation or you may want to rest more and not go all out like you once did. All of this is normal, the feelings, the low energy and as they say, "the struggle is real." 

We can all see the changes happening on a bigger scale and may even feel overwhelmed by what is happening in our outside world. I think my point is that you are not alone, many people I have spoken too feel like this. So, how do we handle the changes? One mental consideration which seems easier said than done is to STAY IN THE PRESENT.  We could talk about this in so much depth but try this...Take it one day at a time. We only have this one day that we are living in now so, live and love for today not tomorrow or what would have been. Enjoy the moments of the present. And as they say,"Seize the Day!"

Listen, I am not the best writer, blogger, veterinary nurse, yoga teacher, friend, or family member but, I am trying my best to love life & live my truth. Living my truth is living with love. Yes, I get sad, my heart gets broken, and sometimes I just want to crumble and run away from it all. I have a large capacity to hold many things in life, but we all do. This year has been a challenge for most of us and maybe harder for some but, we are still here. As we come into this new year lets cut the cords from things that do not serve our higher self and let go of the crap that has been holding us back from living our true potential.

I saw a quote the other day that said, "She finally found the courage to say goodbye to maybes." (no sure who wrote this) but, I thought,"Yes!" I have been holding on to so many "maybes"...Maybe this is the job I should do, maybe this love is worth it, maybe I should go to this teacher training, maybe, maybe, maybe! I am done with maybes, I know what I want and I know where I want to be. Have you ever said to yourself, "If I just do this one thing, I will be happy?" or have you thought, "I do not like what I am doing but..." or you may have heard yourself thinking,"The time is just not right." Or "I have to do just these few things and I'll be in a better place?" I think I have found myself thinking all of these things! 

It is time to make a plan A, B, and even C so, that you have the opportunity to get things in order and start living! If you want something then DO IT! It may not seem right to other people but, it is not their life, it is YOURS! There is never going to be a "right"time for anything and we are only here living this exact life once. 

What I am trying to say is follow your heart, live big, be an example for those around you struggling to find their path. Trust that the universe or GOD will provide you with what you need to follow your heart and live your truth. 

I struggle everyday with issues ~ love, money, relationships, & life in general but, I am trusting in the universe. That if I continue to put out positive thoughts of what I want it will be offered to me is some form or another. Take chances even if you are not sure what the outcome maybe ~ you are strong! So, if you succeed - great but, if you don't who cares- you are going to get through it and find another way. Take a chance on your heart ~ follow it ~ it will give you exactly what you need. No better love than for yourself and the rest will follow!

​~Much Love~ Alana

Funny thing about life is we talk about living in the moment but,we rarely do. Having expectations of what life should be, planning for the future, and holding on to ideas that life has to be a certain way can hold us back from a lot of happiness and our true path. 

This last year has been a lot of trials and tribulations...I had opened two more studio, then closed them, separated from my romantic partnered, found out I have a half brother, teacher trainings, and all while trying to maintain my current studio and healing practice. Because of what seemed to be an up hill battle to redefine my life's purpose, I really fell into a lot of uncertainties and self doubt. Who am I? What do I stand for? What I am doing? All these questions left me feeling insecure about myself mentally and physically. 

When I was suffering from the death of my husband I remember one of my mentors saying to me. "You need to learn to sit in the sadness, the hurt, and pain, let all those emotions overwhelm your senses and allow yourself to accept where you are...the reality of your life." WTF? Accept the reality of my life? At that time is was the death of my husband...my life had forever been changed and I am suppose to accept this and sit with all the shitty feelings I had? I was pissed, angry & devastated! However, I did do what my mentor had suggested and I did just that; I allowed all those feeling to wash over me. I imagined the washing of the river over my body and I cried, screamed and really allowed that reality to set in; it was only then that I was able to say,"Now how can I change this?" I had to open my eyes, accept the contractions of life and know that the expansion of what to come is much bigger.

What I have come to realize is that when all these changes happened over the past months I felt the same way. There was hurt, anger, sadness, pain, and I needed to sit with them all once again accept the reality of life but, fuck I did not want too. It meant doing it all over again feeling terrible but, this time I knew the end result was going to be better. 

I am not saying that you should not plan for the future, what I am saying is that know that the future can always change.  Don't hold on to those expectations that life has to be a certain way for you to have everything you want. Have faith that the universe or God will give you what you need. That learning to sit in the loss and disappointment and accept the reality of your life will allow you to ask yourself,"Now how am I going to change this and how am I going to make a difference?" You cannot change what you do not accept, and only from accepting will you change. Live in every moment good, bad, sad, and happy because whatever it is; it is what you need right now. 

~ With Much Love~ 
              Alana

I have wanted to blog for a while now about fear and how it has affected my life and how it still does affect me everyday. We do not seem to talk about what holds us back, we use rational to control decisions that have the potential to majorly affect our quality of life.

​What I have come to discover are that there are two things that hold
me back from true freedom and one is FEAR; the other is the
process of LETTING GO. I have been on the other side of fear. I
have let fear control many of my decisions, my actions, my thoughts,
my heart, parts of my life that I cannot change. I have failed, I have
lost, and I have been hurt, but I have also risen up and taken back my
life in a way I did not even know that I was missing.

Fear: Part 1
Over that last few years since I lost my husband to cancer & trying
to start a new business so many people have said to me, “fear is
holding you back,” “You need to learn to let go.” But how could I do
this? How could I date again? I did not want my heart to ever be that
hurt or broken. How could I stop working full-time in a career I have
done for 20 years? How can I move out of my home? I did not have
the money, which was the scariest part. My life was changing and I
was scared…I was led by fear.

Fear told me that I couldn’t love again because I had such an
amazing love and marriage and I could never find that again. Fear
told me that I needed financial security and opening a yoga studio
was not going to pay the bills. Fear told me moving and renting a
home when mine was still for sale was a financial disaster. I was allowing fear to to control my life.

Letting Go: Part 2
Learning to let go felt like I was dishonoring my husband and our
love. Letting go of a career meant all that college gone to waste.
Letting go of my home meant leaving memories I had made with my
husband, and plans that we had made for our life. Letting go meant I
had no control, which was very scary. bBut the truth was that fear was a crutch holding me back from happiness, from love, from confidence, from life. And letting go was process of getting over my fears.

It has been and continues to be a daily battle with these two parts of
me but, over time I have learned little by little that when I do not allow
fear to make the decisions and that I put my faith into the universe,
God, spirit, or whatever term you use, I have been overwhelming
surprised by how I feel on the inside. Letting go of fear and all the
“what if” has given me the ability to soar!

This message was not to tell you to quit your job, move homes, or
find a new love, but to see how fear is holding you back from your
true self, your true path, your freedom and your inner peace. I hope
that you follow your heart and not your fear!

Now, I may still fall, things may not always go how I would like them
but, money is tight but, I will always get up and try again because I
know what greatness lies beyond fear.

I challenge you to ask yourself, “What is holding you back?” My
guess is it is fear based. Now, I challenged you let go…live, love, &
​succeed like you were meant too!

~ Much Love ~ Alana


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