It is acceptance not a battle

Funny thing about life is we talk about living in the moment but,we rarely do. Having expectations of what life should be, planning for the future, and holding on to ideas that life has to be a certain way can hold us back from a lot of happiness and our true path. 

This last year has been a lot of trials and tribulations...I had opened two more studio, then closed them, separated from my romantic partnered, found out I have a half brother, teacher trainings, and all while trying to maintain my current studio and healing practice. Because of what seemed to be an up hill battle to redefine my life's purpose, I really fell into a lot of uncertainties and self doubt. Who am I? What do I stand for? What I am doing? All these questions left me feeling insecure about myself mentally and physically. 

When I was suffering from the death of my husband I remember one of my mentors saying to me. "You need to learn to sit in the sadness, the hurt, and pain, let all those emotions overwhelm your senses and allow yourself to accept where you are...the reality of your life." WTF? Accept the reality of my life? At that time is was the death of my husband...my life had forever been changed and I am suppose to accept this and sit with all the shitty feelings I had? I was pissed, angry & devastated! However, I did do what my mentor had suggested and I did just that; I allowed all those feeling to wash over me. I imagined the washing of the river over my body and I cried, screamed and really allowed that reality to set in; it was only then that I was able to say,"Now how can I change this?" I had to open my eyes, accept the contractions of life and know that the expansion of what to come is much bigger.

What I have come to realize is that when all these changes happened over the past months I felt the same way. There was hurt, anger, sadness, pain, and I needed to sit with them all once again accept the reality of life but, fuck I did not want too. It meant doing it all over again feeling terrible but, this time I knew the end result was going to be better. 

I am not saying that you should not plan for the future, what I am saying is that know that the future can always change.  Don't hold on to those expectations that life has to be a certain way for you to have everything you want. Have faith that the universe or God will give you what you need. That learning to sit in the loss and disappointment and accept the reality of your life will allow you to ask yourself,"Now how am I going to change this and how am I going to make a difference?" You cannot change what you do not accept, and only from accepting will you change. Live in every moment good, bad, sad, and happy because whatever it is; it is what you need right now. 

~ With Much Love~ 
              Alana

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